go to these networking meetings a couple times a month, and at last night’s meeting I met someone new. Well, not someone new, but someone I hadn’t really talked to before. And I think what made last night different wasn’t anything she or I did differently.
It was the fact that we ended up sitting right across from each other, so unless we wanted it to be super awkward, we had to talk.
So at this meeting, we start off by introducing ourselves and our businesses, and then we take a few seconds (literally) to say what we’re looking for. For example, I’m looking for groups and businesses to host style seminars.
This person just gave her name and her company and that was it. She was all shy and didn’t want to say anything. Now, her turn came after me, and I’m pretty much a powerhouse at introducing myself and my business. So I can see why she felt somewhat shy.
Of course, I had to learn more. I mean, I’m all about women being their best, and that intro just didn’t seem like her best.
Turns out, she’s got this great personality and was a ton of fun to talk to.
She just doesn’t have much confidence in herself.
I see this a lot. I mean, I work with a lot of different women, and the one thing most of them have in common is that they’re not super confident (and they want to be).
What I’ve realized is that a major reason for the lack of confidence is that the way the look doesn’t match who they really are deep down inside.This particular person was wearing a super simple top, a pair of leggings, and boots. It was all dark colors, and she really disappeared into the outfit. And she was sitting in this way to make herself seem smaller.
That’s a clear sign that there’s some cognitive dissonance going on.
Here’s an opposite example.
One of my very first clients, Jessica, struts her stuff into a room. She walks in and owns it because she knows she looks amazing. How she looks matches who she is deep inside. So she has this deep level of confidence that has literally made her more money than she made before she got on the Styled by Leila train.
I hear all the time from women who spend all day in yoga pants and pajamas, how I dress doesn’t matter… I’m happy and confident in my holey flannel pants… you’re shallow if you think that how you look matters… and what that all comes down to (translation) dammit, you’re right, and I don’t want to admit it.
If you’re one of those women holding on to your yoga pants like there’s going to be a shortage or something, chances are that it’s not because you’re totally fine and happy and confident when you wear them all day. It’s more like you’re scared of change. You’re scared of the major change that comes when how you look on the outside matches who you are on the inside.
And I get it. I really do. You may have forgotten, but I’ve been through this process, too.
I wasn’t always this super-confident style badass you now know and love.
But I took a deep breath (well, quite a few of them), did the work, and came out on the other side the happiest I’ve ever been. BTW I weigh 30 pounds more in the photo below than the one above. So…
Take some small steps every day to make your outside line up with your true self. Do something like put on a pair of jeans instead of yoga pants. Swipe on a little lip gloss. Take a few extra minutes to blow dry your hair. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. And it doesn’t have to be all RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW DAMMIT.
Small steps are good. It’s standing still that’s killing your confidence and limiting that amazingness you have to share with the world.
No go out and made one tiny little change.
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